Monday, November 15, 2010

Packing is the Hardest Part

Hillbilly in Brazil Edition

     This is my last Monday here in Glorious ol' Brazil and I'm in the frantic trying to pack and buy last minute gifts for friends and family pack home. As always I have screwed myself with promises of gifts which doesn't bother me in the least other than buying Havaianas or flip flops because the sizes printed on the shoes are all jacked up. Sure it might read size 8 US but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is correct. I found that out last time when I bought three pair for family then got them back to Ana's and found they almost fit my feet. My Grandmother can be a lot of things, cantankerous is one, but big foot she is not.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

     I think my bags will be filled with as much presents and contraband on the way home as it was coming here. In arriving I had 6 books, a lens cleaning kit, a diamond necklace, ear rings, bourbon and a LCD Picture frame. On the return my bags bulge with coffee, a coffee pot, candy, 4 pairs of havaianas, a few shirts and a carton of cigarettes for Brandon.
  His Lungs Are Like Tarpaper

     I am sure that my bags will be rooted around in again. Last time I made the mistake of being away for more than 15 minutes from the US and had to pop my bags open for the customs officer and turn on my computer to show him pictures. I think they get suspicious if you don't look rich or aren't 150 years old but I guess they are just doing their jobs. I'm too nervous to try and bring contraband into the US besides if I wanted dope I do live in KY. I mean the county next door is Methenberg County and I am pretty sure the Patton Farms have been growing pot for almost 20 years. Also I am an American Citizen, I will be damned if I am going to get caught with some second hand drug when I can just go to the doctors office and put on a sad face and get a prescription for whatever Pharmaceutical Company drug bought him a free weekend in Vegas to push. 
     Also they will probably ask me how I afforded to stay in Brazil for 3 months when I don't have real employment. I was asked this last time, my friend Sam was asked the same question when he returned from England and he only stayed two weeks. Last time I was so taken aback by the question that I don't even remember how I answered. What difference does it make? If I am a terrorist I am sure I would have the correct answer in my head or documentation but I'm not. I'm just a hillbilly that painted houses and tiled bathrooms all summer and lives with his mother which in fact will be the answer I give this time around and it will be true because that is how I paid for this trip. I don't have a life other than Ana and I worked for Brandon painting condos and tiling floors. I'm sure that will win the guy over and I will go straight into the airport to the bar.....NOT!

     Anywho, I hope today is busy because I know I won't be able to sleep worth a damn tonight and of course sleeping on the plane is near impossible with the shit seats and a weight of emotions in my heart as I leave my Girlfriend and everyone else I hold so dear back in Brazil even this little old man:
Old Man Wilson

     Please let me sleep on that flight. It is going to be 10 hours in the air with nothing to do other than listen to my iPod and try to avoid whatever Jennifer Lopez movie that they have on this time around. Last time it had that one great scene where her little dog shit something the size that would probably tear an elephants ass in half as humor. Hopefully the flight into Nashville will be less hectic, last time I flew into Louisville and was crowded in with a bunch of people going to Derby, all the overhead bins had hat boxes stuffed inside. 

     I have to go, buying bus tickets to the airport and seeing if the airport bar takes credit cards for booze. I'm coming home Mom with a rock in my heart and a head full of booze. Back home to gray skies, bare trees and darkness at 4pm plus an economy in the shitter and a congress that has already agreed to a 3 day work week for themselves so I don't see any help coming from those assholes.

A good read about airport security in the US

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